The Journal: Harry's Heart
by thisbe gwydion
Summary: Harry keeps a journal of his seventh year.


**and i never want to leave**

I've been in love with Hermione since first year and every summer I've secretly hoped it would go away but taken specific notice that autumn only made it come back tenfold. I didn't know at first why it wouldn't go away and now I do. She's my soul mate.

I wasn't sure for a long time if we had soul mates or if there was one person we were destined to fall in love with but now I am. I kind of think those people that have known someone a week and say they're soul mates are just wankers because it took me six years to realize why I loved her so much. I understand that I'm young so maybe it doesn't take everyone six bloody years to realize someone is their soul mate, but I know it can't take a week. I'm positive it has to take a long time of sustaining love and understanding and acceptance.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I had my share of odd crushes along the way, but for some reason they just never panned out because they're not right for me and Hermione is.

I'm lucky to know that I've met the one person I want to spend my life with so early in my life. I know that. I'm not going to let it go, not now, not ever.

I've decided that I'm going to use this year to win her over or get her to realize we're right for each other. I can tell she loves me even though I don't think she realizes it. Her eyes lights up when she looks at me and she always finds my body to cuddle against when we're hanging out at night, reading or playing games or just talking.

**aug 29**

Today we packed away our summer memories.

There were so many non-consequential things that happened this summer. Nothing major, nothing amazing, nothing spectacular. It was normal and comfortable and easy. It was like for once I wasn't "The Boy Who Lived" I was the boy that got to be normal without any quotes or insinuations or sudden mood changes when I was recognized.

I got to spend a summer just being me and part of a family and to be absolutely normal and unburdened. It does someone good to have that. For once in my life I didn't feel looming danger, not that it's gone forever, because it's not. But it's been quiet, which is just a calm before the storm but its impossible not to feel comfortable and at ease when absolutely nothing is happening.

I know one day its going to blow up but until then I'm enjoying my life and I'm going to continue to enjoy my life after it does to the best of my ability.

:_ Harry looked up from his journal, his quill leaving a dark blot of ink because he just left it sitting on the paper. Hermione was standing there in her usual summer bedclothes. The summer had given way to a sort of norm amongst them all._

_The four were occupying the top floor of Grimmuald place, almost like their own flat, minus a very important kitchen. But it was comfortable for them, to all walk around in minimal clothing because all the heat of the house, and of Molly Weasley's cooking, rose to that top floor. Hermione was glistening from the heat and her hair was tied back, something she'd only recently started to do with her bushy hair. It looked gorgeous on her, but Harry thought she was gorgeous regardless of what her hair looked like or what she wore._

"_Oy?" Harry said. She'd not said anything yet._

"_Oy," Hermione said with a smile. "Busy?"_

_Harry set his quill down, "Not entirely, no."_

"_Well, you're playing Mr. Invisible very well. We're playing exploding snap in the courtyard, we're sleeping down there too, we need a good, cool night's sleep before our big day tomorrow," Hermione said with a smile. "It's too hot up here."_

"_Okay," he replied before she walked out and he finished writing in his journal. :_

We're going into London tomorrow. Just Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and I. We're of age now so we're not listening to the warnings against going out into the world unprotected. We know it's silly but we can't spend our entire lives hiding from this inevitable fight.

I can't spend my entire life hiding from Voldemort under the protection of the Order so why not take the time to enjoy our lives.

It took me a year to get over the prophesy and everything it meant. My life is centered on murdering someone, that's a weight one doesn't take easily.

_: Harry closed his journal and placed it into the drawer of his night stand. He walked down to the courtyard where Ginny and Hermione were playing a rather entertaining game of exploding snap. Ron came out minutes later with a large plate of leftovers and a sandwich hanging out of his mouth._

"_Oy," he said through his full mouth._

"_Oy." He found a seat next to Hermione and joined in the game. He watched as Ron started a rather small fire that escalated to a large fire that Hermione tamed down to an absolutely normal fire on which they roasted some marshmallows._

"_And Neville came back dancing around the room that night, perfect," Ron laughed as they were reminiscing about their past years. They were skirting around the battles and all the painful things and just laughing and enjoying the night._

"_We have to have another ball!" Ginny said, "that was so fun. And you two are Head Boy and Girl so you can do whatever you want. You have to, I demand it!"_

_Harry and Hermione just laughed, "I think it'd be a great idea," Harry said as he gave a sideways glance to Hermione, who missed it entirely. He would love to get up the courage to ask her. I'd been trying to hide my feelings back then that I'd just pretended not to care that she'd gone with Viktor Krum, but this year I could take her and we could enjoy ourselves._

"_Oh, we could do it for Halloween! And it could be a Masquerade Ball!" Hermione yelled with a laugh._

_Later they all lay side by side staring up at the stars, giving the planets that went along with the stars their own stories._

_Harry pointed at a random star, "And that one, it would be," he paused, "the Solar System of Harry and the two inhabited planets battle for control and the ability to be the center of worship of me. All the men look like me and all the women are gorgeous and brilliant with amazing brown hair and eyes that you can look into for days. And they worship me eight times a day."_

"_And one day your head explodes and they all get on with their lives," Hermione said popping his bubble._

"_Aw thank you for ruining my dream."_

"_No problem," Hermione said with a small giggle._

_Hermione scooted closer to Harry as the night wore on and it got colder. She finally found his body and pulled one of his arms around her, waking him up. He pulled her close to his body and breathed her in slowly. He watched her fall asleep, finally comfortable._

_He kissed the top of her head and let himself fall asleep. He loved when they fell asleep like this, in each other's arms, even if she thought it was still entirely plutonic. He'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. But he wanted her in her entirety and he just needed to work up a little more courage and the right way to tell her. :_

**aug 30**

London turned out amazingly well. We did our touristy things and ended up at a pub at the end of the night. We were drinking and enjoying ourselves. We're under the drinking age but a little magic got over that small hurdle.

It was nice to be out and carefree with my best friends. We danced and smiled and laughed and just enjoyed ourselves tonight, well last night, it's four am.

I can't sleep with the thoughts of the way Hermione looked out of my mind. It was amazing to see her so happy and carefree and focused on just having fun and not thinking about anything or trying to solve a problem.

I don't know what will happen this year; I don't know what my future is. I guess I have two main paths and I either die at the hands of the greatest foe ever or he dies at mine. No matter what, I'll never be as happy as I am now, I'll never have my childhood back. All I have is now and I need to use every moment I have.

_: Harry held out his hand to Hermione as she took the few steps up onto the street. They were the last people coming out of the dance club and Hermione was dying to stay. She loved to dance and Harry loved to watch._

_She would shake her hips with her eyes closed and he was just mesmerized by her._

_She was sweaty now as she glowed, smiling at him. She took a deep breath, "Oh it smells wonderful outside," she said as she twirled, causing the hem of her dress to rise just a little, not escaping Harry's gaze._

"_Like rain," Harry said before they started along the walk towards Grimmauld Place._

_Hermione sashayed and bounced along, still buzzing from the excitement, hyper from the fun they'd had. Ginny and Ron were behind laughing through whispers as they walked behind Harry and Hermione._

_The rain started to drip slowly but when it finally came crashing down full force Hermione ran ahead with Harry following after her while Ron and Ginny slipped under the closest stoop. Hermione found sanctuary after becoming rather happily drenched in the rain with Harry close behind, also soaked to the core._

_Hermione smiled and watched the rain fall down, "I just love it," she said with a quick glance back at him._

"_Let's wait a little for it to slow down," Harry said, just watching Hermione. Sometimes he liked nothing better than to watch her be herself, it was gorgeous to him, everything she did, and interesting. He liked to soak in as much of her as he could, to just see the beauty in everything._

"_Yeah," Hermione agreed, continuing to watch the rain and the random cars drive by. The sound of the cars wheels parting the water was music in itself._

_Hermione started to shiver, her skin, uncovered by the tiny dress she wore, dimpled with goosebumps from the cold._

_Harry opened his coat and pulled her in, her body pressed against his warmth. She felt amazing in his arms, so tiny and frail but he knew how strong she was. She shivered and backed into him more, "This is so perfect."_

"_What is?" Harry asked._

"_This moment in time, under this stoop. We'll never be like we are now, we'll never be in this moment ever again and I never want to leave."_

_Harry held her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder, getting comfortable to wait out the rain that he wished would fall forever. :_


End file.
